My hands are shaking as I hear the automated attendant answer. Tiny explosions in my chest sound like movie-theater surround sound in my ears drowning out her robotic words.
“You – have – one – message. To – listen ….” Still shaking -- I can barely press the “1” button on the cell phone.
“Hey you, it’s me. I know I’m calling you in the middle of the night, but you know me, I can’t sleep,” she giggles a bit.
“Hey, part of what’s keeping me up is -- I don’t know – I feel very bad about being so selfish earlier tonight. You know when you go, you have so much going on in your life, you do not need, you know, little upset little moments from me, and I apologize for that. It can be difficult for me sometimes, and I know that’s no excuse, but unfortunately, you know, I have friends, but who wants to hear me vent and bitch about what’s going on, you know, in my life. So I try to keep it, a lot of it inside, and sometimes you’re the only person that I can talk to about it, so thank you for listening to me about it last night.
And I am so sorry for being so selfish. You had left me the kindest sweetest best message on my voicemail ever,” her voice rising with fond remembrance of the message, “then I turn around and get upset with you because you can’t spend last night with me. So I apologize for that. And I guess that I have a choice to stay or go and I always choose to stay because of you. Because I am very thankful every single day that you are in my life. I really am.
I love you so much my darling, I do.
And I don’t know what I would do without you, and I am so thankful in every way that you are in my life because you are such an amazing, generous kind-hearted person – you really are.
And thank you for being with me earlier tonight. I’m really sorry for that. It’s very frustrating, but I also realize how it is for you, and I guess I, I don’t know, I guess I need to hear it from you more often because we don’t seem to talk about that too much and I know it’s upsetting for you but sometimes I think I need to hear it so that I know, you know, truly in my heart what you ant to do and what you need to do.
Thank you again for being with me, I really appreciate it. And have a wonderful, wonderful Thanksgiving with Tristan, please for me, and know that I will be thinking about you and I’m very thankful and grateful that you are in my life.”
She takes a deep breath, “I love you more than anything my dear. I will talk to you whenever you get a chance, okay?
I really love you. Bye.”
It’s 4:30 on Thanksgiving Day. This is my husband’s cell phone. Tristan is our son.
I don’t know who the hell left this message. It certainly wasn’t me.
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If Your Divorce is Civilized, You're Doing It Wrong.
This blog is from a journal I kept during the really intense part of my divorce. My uncivilized divorce. Pain, fear, rage, humiliation -- lying, cheating, hidden stashes of Levitra, TROs, fake divorce papers -- you name it and we did it. I went to Crazy Town A LOT; but there was always someone who’d been-there-done-that too. It helped to know I wasn't alone. So if this helps you, great. If not, well, it’s pretty juicy stuff. Experience it as you would as a car crash or reality show.
About Me
- Crazy Town
- I’m writing about the ugly death of a 25-year relationship I thought would “last forever.” Shane and I were nearly high school sweethearts – we met just after graduation. We were engaged almost five minutes later, but waited six years to actually get married (our parents dared us to finish college first).
Shane’s career as a television news reporter and anchor eventually landed us in Denver and along the way our son was born in 1993. We are all still in Denver – Tristan mostly with me, but bouncing back and forth like a timeshare child of divorce.
As for me, I have a wonderful new job, a man who loves and cherishes me in a way I didn't know was possible, a teenager I love more than life itself, and a woman inside of me I never knew existed, but whom it's been good to meet.
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